Boy or Girl

Tomorrow I have my mid point ultrasound. If the baby is cooperating I’ll also get to find out if I’m having a boy or a girl. I’m extremely nervous, I hope the baby is healthy, so far everything seems good but it’s still in the back of my mind because I’m having trouble gaining weight due to my inability to retain food. I can’t tell if the baby is moving, I feel bubbles I guess, but no real “fluttering” not sure I know what that even means. But according to every person whose had a baby, they say that they felt “fluttering”. It might just still be too early the internet says anytime between 17-22 weeks…. and I’m 19 weeks today. Everyone asks me if I want a boy or a girl and I respond with a healthy baby, truth be told I don’t really even know which one I’d prefer. There’s pros and cons to both. But this indecisiveness makes me wonder will I secretly be disappointed that it wasn’t the other when the time comes. I have so much going on in my head, I’m so excited and can’t wait for the day to come but am nervous as I said. I’m sad that my husband left for work yesterday and is going to miss it, but this is just the beginning of things he’ll miss. When it was just me I didn’t care, Christmas and birthdays can be whenever but this our first child, this Is irreplaceable, unschedulable. Everything only happens once, one gender reveal ultrasound, one birth, one first step. As I said my head is racing, and as an overthinker it’s gone far into the future wondering, thinking, planning.